A Real Man...

... jumps for joy.

She's got my back

It's good when you're a backed-up blogger, to have a blogger back-up.

There's a new little "Tadbit" for you over at Annie's Version.

Cleaning House

Sometimes the best way to get at what's bothering me is to clean my refrigerator. I could talk with a friend, meditate in the park, question why I am the way I am, but often what I really need is to reconnect to my external life. Scrubbing pots and pans is a good way to do it, painting the inside of a closet or the surface of a nightstand. I can add to that mopping the floors and drinking lots of coffee, and if I really mean business, I might just dare to listen to Puccini at full volume. I will weep while painting, grieve while mopping and suffer while scrubbing. Surely then the fire will ignite and blaze, but soon, as do the arias, it will slowly calm and rest. And after there is but the slightest hint of a burning ember, and though I may still have no answers, I will be slightly more connected to myself, I will possess a little more peace, and sometimes that's all you need on a Monday.

Off-kilter

Gonna go see if I can remedy it.

Secret...

A girlfriend of mine once told me that men were driven wild by the scent of vanilla.

Lately I've been wishing there was an antiperspirant that had a scent but didn't smell like flowers or baby powder.

Yesterday I found it.

Pets in Purgatory

Annie says to her friend Carly," "Oh my God, did you know there's an entire mall that just sells Neopets?"

Carly: "Really! Where is it?"

David (under his breath): "The ninth circle of hell."

Friday morning

I'm in an unusual place in my head lately, a place of calm, quiet and focus. (Not a place I've been to much in recent months.) It's rather nice in here, the weather is not too hot, not too cold, and although I remain present to the life outside my head, the world is not churning in me as it usually does. It's been difficult lately, both here at The Half Note and when communicating with friends, to express myself in a way that reflects or resembles any of what I'm feeling. The truth is, I don't have a particular need to express myself at the moment. (Hard to believe of someone who is compelled to tell the world that her left foot is ticklish but her right foot is not.)

When I left Sedona I felt as if something big was right around the corner. I had no reason to believe it, no evidence that this was true. At first I thought it was a job, then I thought it was a creative awakening, then I thought it was love, then I just left it alone and didn't think or wonder anymore. But the feeling that something big was coming, remained.

Regardless of what it is, it will open a door, take my hand, and lead me into the next chapter. And whether it turns out to be a happy story or a sad tale, I assure you, I will have much to say about it.

He Speaks

Seth says that although aging and death are natural, getting sick and having your body break down is not. When when we age we begin to get ailments, not because it's natural, but because it is what we believe will happen; it's what we expect.

Secret...

After Annie was born I neglected my dog. I'm convinced he died of a broken heart.

Creative Cramp

The Half Note will return.

Love, Katie

Three peas in a pod

David, Annie and I are waiting to cross the street. David and I embrace, and Annie pushes herself between us and says, "Break up the passionate love scene, midget coming through!"

Fact # 61

When I was a little girl in Brooklyn, sometimes, when I couldn't sleep, my mother would take me to the playground and push me on the swings in the middle of the night.

Hitting the roof

Whenever Annie brings her friend over to my place, she insists on taking them to see the skylight.

Photo: Annie Kosh

Is it possible...

...that there's someone who likes iced coffee on a hot day more than me?

In Real Time

Still summery outside, Annie plays at the playground, Maiden Voyage plays in here, dinner is ready, she'll soon be bursting through the door.

The way things aren't

Today in the park I thought I saw a million white marbles scattered across the road.

It was actually the petals from a cherry blossom tree that were being carried by the wind.

Quote

"It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake."

~Frederick Douglass

Secret...

Since I reached 40, I have been self-conscious about the bags under my eyes.

Realization #712,013

I had them when I was 11.

Crazy love

Annie: "You and Daddy hate me."
Katie: "No, we love you, that's why we got mad at you."
Annie: "Then I want you to hate me, because if you love me and you're mean to me, if you hate me you'll be nice to me. Even though that sounds totally bizarre and unnatural."

Fact #14,806

When I was pregnant with Annie I only wanted to eat 3 things. Rice Checks cereal, Hagan Das Chocolate Sorbet, and Orange Snapple.

In real time

It's quiet outside by New York City standards. 83 degrees like summer but no humidity like spring. Stars are in the big sky, I pass people but we know not to say too much; each of us hold to the peace of this magnificent night.

Saturday in the park

Annie points at my shirt: "Mommy, what's that?"
Me: "What's what?"
Annie: "That."
Me: "You mean this freckle?"
Annie: "No, that wrinkle."
Me: "What wrinkle, I don't see a wrinkle."
Annie: "Right there."
Me: "Oh, that's called cleavage."
Annie: "What's cleavage?"
Me: "I guess it's when there's a space between a woman's breasts."
Annie: "That's creepy."
Me: "It's not creepy, it's a nice thing."
Annie: "Daddy, is it a nice thing?"
David: "It is to me."
Annie: "Well, I still don't think young children should see it."

Fact #18,551

I go to the same salon as her.

Multiple Choice

Why am I not allowed to park my car on my street today?

A) George Bush is in the neighborhood helping Dominican immigrants start small businesses.

B) The TV show, Law & Order is filmed in the neighborhood and today they are occupying the street on which I live.

C) There was a leak on the Internet that a famous supermodel gets her legs waxed at the salon on the corner, and now the Paparazzi have taken all the parking spots.

Parting

Annie is getting ready to leave my apartment and go home.

Me: "Goodbye sweetheart."

Annie: "Let's not say goodbye. Let's just say 'Au revoir!"

Springtime in the city

I apologize for not blogging.

Santa Cruz, 1984... or '85

From left, Tai looking like she wants to leave, our housemates Jen and Mark looking happy that they've graduated University, and me, thinking I look cute in a cowgirl jacket I wouldn't be caught dead wearing today!

Friday morning light

In my dreams

Last night I dreamed I was behind the wheel of a car, a convertible. I was with a male companion and Annie was in the backseat. My companion told me that he wanted to drive, that he knew how to take the twists and turns of the road, and how to navigate through the thick fog that would surely come as we got higher into the hills. He said he'd be better able to keep us safe, and better equipped than I to keep his eyes on the road. I got into the backseat and sat behind him, beside Annie.

As we traveled higher and higher up the winding road, the dense fog began to engulf the car, making it impossible to see what was in front of us. I clung to the back of the driver's seat and gasped each time a wave of the fog came upon us, then I decided it would be better if I just closed my eyes. I knew we were not in danger, I knew this man was in complete control, and I understood that the only thing frightening me was not a real threat of danger, but an imagined one.

At some point the man said to Annie, "Look! A hummingbird!" Annie was delighted.

Soon the car came to a stop and we found ourselves sitting on a very narrow path with a barricade in front of us. It was obviously too narrow to make it through. The man kept his hands firmly on the wheel. He didn't look defeated, he simply contemplated our situation.

Suddenly Annie cheerfully called out, "Keep going! We've got to keep the hummingbirds buzzing!"

Listening to at the moment...

Unsolicited advice from me

When your stove is too small for all the pots and pans, when your child has challenged you at every turn leaving you drained, when you have a sink full of dishes and a million calls to return, when all you want to do is take a bath and read your book but you really can't right now... never, not for a minute, forget how fortunate you are.

Secret...

For the past two days I have delayed having my coffee until the afternoon. It's slightly uncomfortable, a little painful... and I like it.

Email exchange

On 4/19/07, Katie Bowen wrote:
Hey, what did you think of your pic today with little Puck?

On 4/19/07, Tai Moses wrote:
I loved the photo. It's made me feel very nostalgic ... I can almost smell the Yosemite pines...

On 4/19/07, Katie Bowen wrote:
And I can almost smell the Whiskey Sours...

Nothing Changes

I took this picture of my friend Tai when she was about 18 and we were working in Yosemite.

Is that a little Puck I see beside her, perhaps in a previous incarnation?

Secret...

Every day I pass my mailbox without opening it. I know the phone bill is in there.

Damned if you do

When I was 17 I went on a date with a boy who dumped me the next day because I wouldn't have sex with him. Then he went on a date with my friend and dumped her the next day because she would.

The road less traveled

Kristian: "I'm always anxious when I'm traveling."

Katie: "I'm always anxious when I'm not traveling."

In Real Time

Inside Annie reads,
Outside birds belt out their songs.

Bad Buddhist

I knew a woman, an actress, who was a Buddhist, and for some reason she felt compelled to mention that she was a Buddhist (and a vegetarian), every single time we met. She also felt the need to speak endlessly about the practice of chanting and all it had brought to her life.

"I chanted for a boyfriend," she once told me, "And I got a boyfriend!"

"I chanted for a bigger apartment," she said another time, "And I got a bigger apartment!" She even chanted for a spot on a national TV commercial and got one the very next day."

Then one night we were out to dinner and I asked her, "Do you ever chant for anyone else?"

She looked at me perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you ever chant for let's say, world peace," I asked. "Or for those unfortunate children over in the Middle East?"

Her face went blank, she stammered, she stuttered, she giggled. And I figured she must have been chanting for food because just then the waiter showed up with her tofu steak and she proceeded to shovel it in her mouth as if an acting job depended on it.

Happy Birthday Gary Regina!

Gary Regina is the composer for my film, Cold Tea, as well as a fiercely talented musician and one of my favorite people on earth. He's also a man who likes long walks on the beach and Stella D'oro Swiss Fudge Cookies.

Happy Birthday Gary, I hope it's a sweet one.

Quote

“No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings”

~William Blake

On Your Side: Cecilia

Patron Saint of musicians.

Fact #2, 324

During my teenage years, my father would receive invitations in the mail to attend television network parties. But having no interest in Hollywood, (aside from the paychecks,) he always threw the invitations in the trash. Sometimes my girlfriends and I would fish them out, put on our best outfits and attend the parties ourselves. One such time Michael Landon approached us and asked how it felt to be party crashers.

He wasn't as nice in person as he seemed to be on the Prairie.

Listening to at the moment...

Secret...

After Annie was born some of the skin on my body darkened. For three years I used a lotion that promised it would remove the darkness.

Realization #696,013

You've got to free yourself.

Dinner at The Half Note

Italian stews are called Spezzantini because the meat is cut into pieces; spezzare means "to cut up" or "break up."

I love this easy recipe and served it tonight with salad, Italian bread and a couple of bottles of Peroni.


Chicken Spezzatino


2 Tbsp olive oil
2 celery stalks, cut into bite-size pieces
1 carrot, peeled and cut into bite-size pieces
1 small onion, chopped
1 tsp salt, plus more to taste
1 tsp fresh ground black pepper, plus more to taste
1 14.5oz can chopped tomatoes with their juices
1 14oz can reduced sodium chicken broth
1/2 C fresh basil leaves, torn into pieces
1 Tbsp tomato paste
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp dried thyme
2 chicken breasts with ribs (about 1.5 pounds)
1 15oz can organic kidney beans, drained (rinsed if not organic)

In a heavy 5.5 quart saucepan, heat the oil over a medium flame. Add the celery, carrot, and onion, and saute until the onion is translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the salt and pepper. Stir in the tomatoes, broth, basil, tomato paste, bay leaf, and thyme. Add the chicken and press to submerge. Bring the liquid to a simmer. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer gently, uncovered, turning the breasts over and stirring occasionally, until the chicken is almost cooked through, about 20 minutes. Add the beans and simmer until the chicken is cooked through and the liquid has reduced to a stew consistency, about 10 minutes.

Discard the bay leaf. Let the chicken cool about 5 minutes. Discard the skin and bones and cut the meat into bite size pieces. Return it to the stew and bring to a simmer. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Today

I am filled with hope, optimism and joy, and what happens tomorrow is of no concern.

~kb.