Thought in real time

The sunflower is one of the most resilient of all flowers. But even a sunflower needs to be fed in order to grow.

The way things are

When I walk down the street toward home, I often see him standing outside, deep in thought. Sometimes I call out, and sometimes I just wave. Sometimes we embrace, and sometimes we kiss. Sometimes we hold hands and say nothing, because there's nothing to say. And sometimes I just keep on walking, and pretend I don't see him at all.

Rest in Peace

Howard Zinn.

And just like that...

All by myself, I found another moment of peace.

Sitting at the sidebar

While listening to an old favorite, I am Helplessly Hoping for another moment of peace.

Question

How do I block out, and let the world in at the same time?

The only way to change

Stop looking at everyone else--start looking at yourself.

Woman's work

Cleaning house, healing heart--and blogging it in real time.

Evolving 101

It's 4:30 am., and maybe I can't sleep because although I'm a grown-ass woman, I only just realized that I can't be saved by anyone but myself. What a thing to finally learn--seems like I should have gotten this long ago. So what do I do now? Honestly, I don't know.

All in a day

Heard from a childhood friend, thought a lot about love, ate grapes, talked on the phone to someone who cares, co-wrote a song about boots with my daughter.

Thoughts of love in real time

I want love to be on fire, but I don't want it to smell like nicotine. I want to be inebriated, but I don't want to drink in order to say what's in my heart. I want to be free, but I want to set boundaries and live freely inside them. I want my music loud and my home quiet. I want my mind dirty and my body clean, and I want the same for the man with whom I share it all.

Sitting at the sidebar

There's a change taking place in me. At first I fought it tooth and nail and held on for dear life--but now I see it's needed. The hopelessly romantic girl is growing up, letting go of old beliefs and using new tools to create the next scene. But now the hard part--how to edit out the stuff that dreams are made of, and keep the stuff that's at the core--the stuff that love is made of. Not reel-love, but real love.

There's something about being in love that makes me weak, and I always want to feel that. I always want to feel for a man what I feel in this song, only now I want to make sure that after I've been swept away, I am safely delivered back to myself, and that after I've been knocked off my feet, I am left standing on solid ground.

Click the sidebar to listen.

Questions in real time

How can I measure his love, when I can't measure my own? Why do I need him to move mountains to prove something for which there is no proof? How can I have faith one moment, and in next moment have none?

Where is the woman who used to ride horses, travel the world, and walk through the city in brown suede?

Joke by David

Q: What do you call the people in New England who voted for a Republican senator?
A: Mass O' Dumbshits.

Fact # 789,333

Actor Matt Damon recently moved into my mother's apartment building.

All in a day

Ate a plate-full of spinach, watched sunlight hit New York, bathed a Pekingese, and saw the joyful smile return to my sweetheart's face.

Love's limitations

When I was in my twenties, I thought my love could heal a man's heart. Now I know it can't.

What people do

My friend Kerry asks: Is it wrong to go to the ballet and drink champagne, even though I'm sitting in the $15 section and a glass of champagne costs $12?

Thoughts in real time

My friend Tai once told me she thought I spent more time setting the stage for my life than I did living it. Maybe it's because I do so much better in rehearsals than when I actually have to go on.

In real time

Putting off today what I could do tomorrow. Sad too, angry also. Would rather be swimming with dolphins at sunset.

Silly girl

Katie coughs.

Annie: Bless you.

Katie: But I didn't sneeze.

Annie: But I want to bless you with my condolences for future gratitude.

Katie: Huh?

In real time

Annie washes dishes and the dog sleeps by the radiator. I have no vision of a future, no longing to be in anyone's arms, and it feels like I might be OK forever, just like this.

In real time

Missing my sweetheart tonight.

The forest

I'll keep walking through. It's all I know to do.

And just like that...

Feet up, watching a movie, sipping tea. I felt my greatness.

It's my party

I can't seem to stop crying today. I made toast, I cried, I folded clothes, I cried, my friend Doug sent me this, and I cried.

I hope you'll listen to and enjoy it, and no crying allowed. Unless of course you feel like me, and you just can't help yourself.

xxok

Sitting at the sidebar

In the past three months I've fallen in love and into despair. I've been woken up and shut up, felt on top of the world and at the bottom of the barrel, and today it looks like my sidebar won't play. But I know each of the things listed is a condition--I know they'll all come and go and come and go again, and that we''ll all Float On anyway.

Click the sidebar if you can, and if you can't, just keep trying.

Secret

I've been feeling like garbage, floating over garbage--searching for a way to clean things up.