50 and counting

Turning 50 was slightly uncomfortable (the continued emotional roller coaster ride, blah, blah, blah), but at the same time so completely joyful in a way that none of my birthdays have ever been. I don't believe I have ever had, in 3 days, such an outpouring of goodwill and love. Gifts were sent to me via e-cards and emails, voice mails, text messages, parcel post, fedex and flower shops. Greetings and well-wishes were offered by co-workers, strangers, old friends, new friends, family and of course by my beloved who, among many gifts he gave and continues to give me, decorated our birthday hotel room before I arrived. 

I didn't have all of this when I turned 20, or 30, or even 40, because all of this comes from, and is a reflection of, a life that's not just been survived, but that's been lived.

17 years later

I don't know what day it was, the day I stopped thinking about my father every day of every month of every year since he died. But now when I am reminded of him, I can still feel taken off guard-my heart can still break as if it were only yesterday that I learned he was gone forever.

Update

Healthy mother, normal daughter, loving sweetheart, consistent work, hot summer.

All is well.