Rooftop Photos

The bottom photo overlooks Cabrini Blvd., the street on which I reside. Click on the pictures ... to get the picture.

Signed, Sealed & Delivered

"The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post."

--George Bernard Shaw

Deaf Ears

To no avail, I am instructing Annie to get ready for school.

Katie: "Why does no one listen to me? EVER?"

Annie: "Because we take your SAYINGS as SUGGESTIONS."

Favorite Film

Mexican Memories

Boy, when you start pulling out the old photos, you just can't stop.


Here's a picture of me and Aaron in Mexico. 18 years ago maybe?

Click for clearer image.

Had To ...

A baby miniature horse.

Ancient Blogging

David, Annie and I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art yesterday. We went to the Ancient Egypt exhibit and came upon a water jug dated 360 B.C.. It was covered with magic text and images that were intended to protect its owner from scorpions and snakes.


Annie stared at it for a long time and said of the ancient writing, "That's like an entire blog!"

A Tree Grows in Manhattan

After the museum we headed to Central Park to have a picnic. Along the way we came across this tree. Please click on the images to get the full picture.

Click on The Trees, Please ...

After School

Annie: "Mommy, there's a Japanese chin!"

Katie: "What?"

Annie: "Over there, look, a Japanese chin!"

-- I'm looking and looking for a Japanese chin, but don't see one --

Annie: "A Japanese CHIN, Mommy! It's a breed of DOG!"

Listening to at the Moment

Favorite Film

Weather ... or Not.

It’s Northern California weather in Manhattan this morning. Bright sun, a clear blue sky, crisp air and a slight chill. Leave it to me to find the sadness in such beauty.

It may be obvious to say that the sadness comes from wanting desperately to hold on to a day like today, but it’s true. A morning like this puts me in deep touch with how beautiful life is, then, in my attempt to grab it, it slips through my hands.

I have often held tight to a rare day like this, to a memory of the past, to the feeling of a new love or the fantasy of another life. But when I go there I miss out on real life; the one that is here in front of me, the weather that is mine to enjoy.

When I was a child I had a recurring dream that my father died. I spent years being afraid of it and as a young woman I’d even write him letters in which I would jokingly remind him to be careful when crossing the street. All those years of being afraid and trying to hold on to him, he died anyway.

So today I will do the same thing I did yesterday. I will take a book and my music and sit on the roof. I will hold on to this day, and I will try and let it go.

After School

Annie rides her scooter to the playground as I walk beside her.

Katie: "God, you look so beautiful today."
Annie: "I'd look even more beautiful with an ice cream cone in my hand."

Quote

“People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy.”

--William Faulkner

What's Real

I first saw David when I walked into my parents’ favorite neighborhood restaurant, Teachers. I had been in New York two days, visiting from California to recover from a broken heart. As my mother and I made our way to our table, I spotted him behind the bar: dark hair, broad shoulders, a serious face and in command. As it turned out, I started waitressing there two days after that.

I was first drawn to David by his kind eyes and gentle nature. Then it was his humor -- satiric, quick, dry, witty; sometimes brilliant.

We were fortunate to have an intense and highly romantic courtship with a New York City backdrop, because soon enough life hit us like a ton of bricks.

David and I have been together through financial hardship, the death of a dear friend and the death of his mother. He was beside me the day Annie was born, and the day my father suddenly died. He met me at home on September 11, 2001, when I was evacuated from my office just blocks from the World Trade Center. A year later we sat silently together in a cab after I told him that his father was dead.

I have caused David pain, but he is bigger than his ego and more powerful than his feelings. He doesn't take the offense, nor does he take the defense. He responds with a deep understanding that whatever is “happening” has meaning and a purpose, and it transcends anything we can possibly perceive in the moment.

After our first date, David and I were together every day. I cooked for him in my mother’s kitchen and he watched basketball with my dad. And when I asked him what his intentions were, he said that he intended to marry me.

We met at the end of winter, started a romance in early spring, were engaged by summer and married the following winter. Eleven months from hello to hell, yes.

David knows me better than I know myself. In any situation he can anticipate what I’m going to say or feel, or how I’m going to react. But even so, he still seems surprised and delighted by me as if I were someone new.

I have never known a person like David. He is remarkable and he amazes me. He has loved me for 17 years, not an easy job, but one he gladly took. He is the only man I’ve been with who never wanted me to be anything other than what I was.

I never want to lose sight of how fortunate I am to have him in my life.

Happy weekend, blog resumes Monday.

Teacher's

Who Needs Enemies?

Several of my girlfriends have emailed me suggesting I withdraw the "Rear View Mirror" photo! I've been told I look tired, sad and OLD! I can't beleive you women! How shallow! How narrow-minded! How correct!

So here, I'm re-posting that one you all seemed to approve of. (taken by Annie Kosh)

But in protest, I'm leaving the other one on!

From NY to Toronto and Back

Aaron, my Canadian friend from California ... told me about this website out of New York. See links section for "Overheard NY"

David Kosh

Born in Chicago, now New Yorker. Talented writer, a sense of humor that sometimes makes me laugh so hard I can't breathe. Political, well-read, evolved, ethical and responsible. Kind, patient and gentle, yet hot-headed, stubborn and rebellious. Insightful, devoted, human, complicated, spiritual. Adoring father and a committed and loving husband.

He appreciates fine wine, old movies and a good Cuban meal.

Babies fall fast asleep in David's arms.

Love the One You're With

"If a Macaw parrot can't find a mate and is really desperate, he'll make love to a branch or a rock."
--Annie Kosh

Mom's Gone Wild

David and Annie don't eat pork or beef at all and I, only on occasion. We were out to dinner with my mom and I said to David, "Would it bother you if I wanted to get ribs?" He said it would not bother him, then my mother turned and said to me, "I've got something at the house if that's what you want." "You've got ribs?" I asked, and she said, "Oh, I thought you said you wanted to get RIPPED."

Would You Trust Your Sports To This Guy?

This is my brother Danny.
He's a Senior Vice President at ESPN.

Rear View Mirror

Annie likes taking pictures in the car with the digital camera. I can be going 70 mph on the Turnpike and she'll beg me to turn around so she can take one of me. She's a smart kid so I'm not sure why she doesn't understand that if I turn around while driving we will die. She has started taking pictures of me through the rear view mirror, so I guess we're moving forward ... so to speak.

I post this picture with a disclaimer. It was taken last Saturday when I was having a bad day. Underslept, slightly miserable and fairly haggard, so please, no emails from concerned friends saying I need more rest or a spa vacation. Unless you send me a ticket, of course ...

Favorite Film

David and I saw this film and were so moved by it that it became one of our favorites. Years later, when Annie was in pre-school, she came home with a notice in her backpack announcing that Yale Strom would be playing Klezmer music at the school. We recognized Yale's name as being the maker of the film and soon discovered he was also the father of Tallulah, a playmate of Annie's. We went to see the performance, which also included Yale's wife Elizabeth on vocals. And this is no typical Barmitzva music people; it's Jewish music for the soul.

We're still huge fans of "The Last Klezmer," and now we're also fans of Yale, Elizabeth and Tallulah who have become treasured friends.

A Fine Establishment

Shifting Gears

“A dead end street is a good place to turn around.”

He Speaks. Today, to Me.

"Your whole civilization is immersed with the idea that the way to solve a problem – any problem, private or worldwide – is to exaggerate it, see its worst projection; and this, then, is supposed to make you take proper action. The approach unfortunately solves no problems, and only compounds them whether the nation is trying to solve problems of energy … or whether an individual is trying to overcome a dilemma.

“When you become so worried, of course, you concentrate even further on the problem – how bad is it, and what will happen if it becomes worse in the future.

“The belief is that if you frighten yourself badly enough through imagined projections and imagination, you will be frightened enough to change – but the nation or individual following that method does not change for the better, but compounds the original condition, concentrates upon it until it looms larger than before …” --Seth, The Personal Sessions

Bird Brain Bliss

Annie: "I think it's so sad that birds are the happiest animals on the planet but they have the smallest brains."

Katie: "That's why they're the happiest animals on the planet."

Married to the Blog

If I weren't married to a human being would I be driving around in one of those adorable Mini Coops? Would I be jetting off on a moment’s notice to meet up with girlfriends for a night out in L.A.? Would I be a hotshot editor working at a trendy downtown post-production house? Would I be reading Cosmo and tending to every imperfection on my body with nips and tucks, pulls and peels? Would I go to the gym seven days a week, get highlights in my hair; have massages and vacations in Bermuda?

I would assuredly be living in a fabulous loft somewhere in New York, L.A. or San Francisco, but as for the rest, I doubt it. I would probably spend my days locked inside by this computer, drinking coffee, figuring out things to post on my blog.

Favorite Film

Oh Marie ...

David: "You know Mother's Day is coming up?"
Katie: "Really, when?"
David: "May. Is there anything you want?"
Katie: "Yeah, I want to be treated like a fucking queen."

David: "But which queen? Marie Antoinette? … You have to be specific."

Listening to at the Moment

Listening to at the Moment

Tuesday Morning

My 8-year-old daughter is going through a phase. I suppose it’s classic, but it’s sometimes painful; painful to see her so uncomfortable, and also for me to be, like a punching bag, on the receiving end of it all. She is desperate to be independent yet regresses and holds on to being a baby. As if she knows that once it’s over there will be no turning back. She pleads with me to allow her to walk home alone from school, but bursts into tears if I’m waiting for her upstairs, and not out front, when the bus drops her off on a fieldtrip day. She no longer allows me to hug her in front of my friends, but in the morning, outside her school, she holds my face in her hands and kisses me on the lips. “Goodbye Mommy, I love you, have a good day,” she says. Then, as she heads toward the door, she turns back and waves to me three times before making her way inside. At that moment I feel relief that the struggle of the morning is over; “Brush your teeth … it’s not time to read now … please tie your own shoelaces,” but I also feel a twinge of sadness.

I understand the importance of living in the moment; I am someone who feels intensely the bittersweet of the passing of time, and I am uncomfortable that I should be wishing my little girl would just hurry and grow up. When she argues with me or disputes what I say, or cries because she can’t have her way, I take comfort that this won’t last forever. I look forward to helping her with her apartment or dorm, and being there when she gets her heart broken for the first time -- I’ll know how she hurts and how she’ll heal, just as my mother did … and still does. These are things worth looking forward to, but they’re also worth waiting for. I get caught up in myself, in my creative pursuits or my intense need for time alone, and lately I’m often less than patient when she pushes and pulls me through her struggle between wanting to move forward and wanting to go back. And I’m pretty good at letting her pull away from me, because after all, it’s healthy; it’s correct, it’s what she needs to do to get to the woman she’s on her way to becoming. But there will be a moment when those kisses outside the school will stop. It will be obvious, and as sure as my coffee is hot in the morning, I will feel it.

When Annie was a newborn baby I remember changing her clothes for the very first time. I burst into tears when I saw her fragile and beautiful little body because I felt as if somehow, I betrayed her by giving birth to her. That inside me she was safe and happy, and by letting her out made it inevitable, she would one day experience pain. Of course I know that she has her own plan; she did long before I knew her, but some days I feel so weak when it comes to that huge place in my heart that is only for her. And like her, I too am going through a phase. Wanting so much to move forward yet being so desperate to hold on to her … and never let her go.

Favorite Film

This film is rated R for language but Annie promised that if we allowed her to watch it, she wouldn't start saying "Fuck" all the time. We let her watch it, she kept her promise, and it's a movie we all love so much. Especially me. (of course now I say Fuck constantly).

Quote

"I can resist everything except temptation."

- Oscar Wilde.

Who's Afraid of the Tasmanian Devil?

Annie: "Tasmanian Devils don't love each other. They like to kill each other and make babies. And then the male leaves."

David: "Sounds like an Edward Albee play."

Blog Up

Wow, this morning there was a WORLDWIDE shut down on all blogs! I guess the emails I get from Peru and the U.K. explain the worldwide thing. I'm still not sure I fully grasp the magnitude of the blog phenomenon. Anyway, for now, I'm up and running.

When it Falls From the Tree ...

On Saturday I stopped by one of my favorite stores, TekServe, which is devoted to Macintoshes of all kinds, except the ones that grow on trees. Now you might not understand how a store like this could invoke feelings of excitement, so to my PC-using, non-New York friends, what’s so great about TekServe? Number one, the space is enormous, and I think when you live in New York, walking into an enormous space is just so liberating. The store is in what was once a factory back in the day: wood floors, ceilings two stories high. There’s an antique Coke machine, and if you put in a dime you get yourself a bottle of Coke. I’m not a soda drinker, but even I can’t resist the novelty. But the best thing about the place is the staff. Almost every person working there possesses a great and unusual combination of characteristics. Computer nerd, ultra cool, intelligent, witty and sweet. It’s like TekServe has its own “Stepford” thing going, but in a good way. Being there sometimes feels like being at a party with friends, and we all have at least two things in common: we all live in New York City, and we’re all having love affairs with our Macs. (I see an apple theme here).

On this particular trip to TekServe, I brought my comatose iPod to be diagnosed.

Annie and I walk in; Annie grabs a comic book off the rack and sits herself down in a 1970’s “Egg Chair.” I approach the guy at the counter, the iPod laying flat in my open palm. “If it’s dead,” I say, “then I’m willing to buy a new one. But I love my iPod and I want to hear there’s hope.” The TekServe guy, young, cute and cool, looks straight into my eyes as he removes the iPod from my hand. He understands. He proceeds to plug it into his computer. No response. He then unplugs it. He puts it up to his ear and listens. “Is it dead?” I ask. “No,” he says, “It’s not dead.” “Then you can fix it?” I ask. “No, I don’t think I can,” he says. “Then it’s dead?” I ask again. He smiles at me and pauses, “It’s not dead.” Then he laughs. I’m confused. Is he flirting with me? I take his hand in mine and we look at each other. “Please explain,” I say. He tells me that to repair the iPod it would have to show up on his computer when he plugged it in. That would be the only way he could erase the hard drive so I could then reinstall my music library. “But it won’t let me do that,” he says. “So I need to purchase a new one,” I say. “Yes, you need a new one,” he answers. “So it’s dead,” I say. He smiles. Another pause. “It’s dead.” He says. “Take a number and go to the green wall.”

I approach the next cute, cool computer guy and ask him for a ticket. He glances at my iPod. “It’s dead,” I tell him. “I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “Do you offer funeral services?” I ask. “It can be arranged,” he says.

Three minutes later, after seeing my new iPod--it holds more songs, has a wider screen, even comes with video download capabilities-- I dropped my deceased one on the counter and forgot all about it.

After all, one bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch …

Listening to at the Moment

I really believe this one ...

“The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
-- Madame de Stael

The Thrill of the Chase

Annie says to her mom:


“A female rhinoceros will have a male rhinoceros chase her for several days to see if he is strong enough, and can run fast.

"Can you imagine if Daddy had to chase you just to kiss you?”

--Annie Kosh