Bruce Almighty

Annie: "Mommy, do you really think it was good that I went into the nail salon by myself yesterday to say hello?"

Me: "Annie, I cannot tell you how much that impressed me. I mean, the fact that you had the desire to go into the salon but felt hesitant and shy, then became aware of your feelings and made a conscious decision to bust through your discomfort and go in anyway, when you behave that way, that's when your world expands, and it's amazing to me that someone your age can have that kind of awareness and make a choice to be brave. I'll tell you something, if you continue doing that, if you keep walking into your fear like that, I believe you'll have a very successful life. "

Annie: "Would Bruce think so?"

Sitting at the sidebar & in real time

Pouring rain, home tonight with a cup of coffee and the stereo up, and 22 years later it's the same song at the same volume.

I like that some things never change.

In real time

Gratitude is what I'm feeling, for David, his humanity, commitment to me, to our child and to the world. For Annie and the fire that burns beside her tenderness, for old friends and the ones who just walked in. For my father who I miss every day, and my mother who is closer to me than I am to myself. For the music I hear that with sweetness and sadness, delivers this gray and rainy morning straight to my heart.

Give & take

My house guest guided me into a state of deep relaxation and I introduced him to Nutella. He taught me about past-life-regression and I made him a Panini sandwich. He recommended a novel for me to read and I burned him some CDs. He helped rid me of negative core beliefs and I shaved his neck.

by katie

Volume up.

Fact #11,009

I don't like goodbyes.

For Tai

Missing you.

Sitting at the sidebar

When I put this on, I got it.

With friends like these

There's a party going on over at llpof... and it's for me.

Thanks Coop & Irene!

Just can't wait...

... for summer in New York City.

Secret

When for no apparent reason I begin to feel sorry for myself, when out of the blue a wave of sadness comes over me, when suddenly I am eating more spoonfuls of Nutella than I should, I usually suspect there is something hormonal existing that is contributing to my mood. And one hundred percent of the time, the very next morning, I discover I'm right.

Thoughts in real time

Laundry.

Return phone calls.

Until I had a visitor, I didn't realize I was lonely.

Buy more Pellegrino.

Sell Mom's table.

I want to want something.

I want someone to throw me a party.

Sitting at the sidebar

For my Argentinian friend Christian, here's Gary Burton playing Libertango, one of my favorites by Astor Piazzolla.

(listen to it all the way through, you'll be glad you did).

Psychic sex

Bruce and I were walking in my neighborhood when I pointed to a building on the corner.

"You know the sex therapist, Dr. Ruth?" I asked.

"I do," replied Bruce.

"She lives right here," I said, and at that very moment the lady herself appeared.

Fact #222,881

My father used to call me his "closet intellectual."

Joke by Annie

Q: What do you call a spoiled baby?
A: Pampered.

Another saturday night

Some weekends you'll find me home reading, out to dinner or listening to jazz. But my house guest is on Long island until Monday, and tonight I have an appointment to drink expensive tequila with David. Honestly, I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

Bruce & honey

Day off

Yesterday my goal was to make my bed by 10:00 am, and today my goal is to be an attentive hostess to my house guest, Bruce. I apologize for not blogging and will return soon.

Big plans

I have a goal today, it's to make my bed by 10:00 am. And to think I've been accused of lacking ambition!

Tell me

Has fine print gotten finer, or am I in need of new glasses?

In my dreams

This morning I woke from a nightmare that Annie and her friend had jumped into the ocean. The waves were high and I was screaming for them to come back but of course, my voice could not be heard. Finally, I found a man and a woman to help. They located the island where the girls and I were staying, and we all started to swim in that direction.

When I reached the island and got out of the water, I couldn't see the girls and I panicked. I climbed on top of a ladder the size of a city building and stood watch. I cried and cried and cried, and the woman assured me the girls would come. I demanded we call the coast guard but the woman said the girls had to be missing longer. I watched the water, it was growing dark. I saw figures swimming and as they reached the shore, I saw that they were dogs.

When the sun rose, I ran to the dock and a little girl was standing there, smiling at me. "Annie!" I shouted, and then I saw it was her friend. I grabbed her and held her tight, I was sobbing when I asked where Annie was.

"She's in the bathroom," the friend said. "We've been swimming for two days."

I cried and cried and cried and cried, and then I woke up.

Sitting at the sidebar

There'll always be a home in my heart for The Runaways.

Redemption room

I received an email from my friend Cooper who told me that in 1999 she created a writing room in her house with the intention of giving it a proper name. Rewind to 1983, I was a silly girl taking a women's literature course in Santa Cruz and thought the professor had assigned a book by Virginia Woolf called A Room of One Zone. Needless to say, I had a very difficult time locating this book. When my friend Tai revealed my faux pas at Aerophant, Cooper read it and was inspired to finally name her sacred space.

Thoughts in real time

If someone breaks your heart and it takes you a short time to get over him, then you probably didn't lose much, and if you didn't lose much, you probably didn't have much in the first place.

I wonder how the traffic will be going to the airport on Thursday.

Must get to bed before midnight.

Remember to buy limes.

Sitting at the sidebar

I'm guilty.

Family support

The other night my brother Danny put his three-year-old daughter Sydney to bed. As he walked out of the room, she said to him in her tiny, sweet little voice: "Call me if you need me."

Food on my face

David says to me: "Maybe you can't be tamed, but at least you can use a napkin."

Burnt

Annie says to David: "You just don't have that feminine kindness. It's impossible when you have sideburns."

Girls behaving badly

Yesterday at the Chanel make-up counter, I waited to purchase mascara. A saleswoman was helping a customer and a man, very wealthy, a foreigner and the customer's brother, told me I had beautiful eyes. A second saleswoman stood behind the counter and I wondered why she wasn't helping me. When a third customer approached, the second saleswomen marched past me and went to help her. The man, who was now looking at a text message on his phone, asked me what it meant when someone ended a message with an "X." When I told him it meant a kiss, the second saleswoman shot me a glance. "No," she snapped, "it means LOVE. LOVE AND KISSES." The man and I looked at each other, perplexed. Maybe if he had just told her she had beautiful eyes, she would have been a little nicer.

Something I herd

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

Lesson #95,234,097

This morning at the laundromat, I learned it is impossible to read Proust while Mariachi music is playing.

Bop 'till you drop

I encourage Annie to listen to good music, but I gave in after she begged me to buy her Kidz Bop, a CD of contemporary hits sung by children.

Annie unwraps the CD in the car.

Annie: "Mommy, can we play it?"

Me: "You can listen to it when we get home... in your room... with the door closed. Besides, I have a Shakti CD right here.

Annie: "Please Mom?"

Reluctantly, I put it on.

Annie listens: "What is this?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Annie: "I wanted to hear the song, Hey There Delila, but the original version doesn't have all these kids singing on it."

Me: "That's why they call it Kidz Bop."

Annie: "You're an editor, can't you just cut the kids out of the song?"

Me: "If it were on separate tracks I could, but this is already mixed."

Annie: "But this is awful!"

Me: "Isn't it?"

Long pause.

Annie: "Mom?"

Me: "Yes?"

Annie: "Can we listen to Shakti?"

Hey there Annie

This is for you.

~Mommy.

Sitting at the sidebar

For you.

Good night and good luck

Me: "Goodnight Annie, I love you."

Annie: "You know, I don't get why people have to say 'I love you.' I mean it's obvious that you love me. And why do we say 'good night'? I'm about to fall asleep which is kind of like not even being here. I mean, I can't really have a good night, I'm just going to pass out.

Me: "OK., how about this: I feel something for you and hope you have a restful sleep."

Annie: "And what's with bed bugs?!"

Me: "Close your eyes, Annie."

Annie: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes?"

Annie: "I love you, good night."

On the mend

The antibiotics have swiftly extracted the illness from my body (along with all the good stuff), and yesterday I was able to retrieve Annie from my mom's and take her home. Honey, once a very good dog, is now a complete terror, and no longer resembles the docile pup once content to sleep for hours in a basket by my feet.

In any case, this post is for Annie who would like me to inform you that during her stay at Grandma's, she managed to do a bit of blogging. Please click here for more.

Fact #71,986

It's hard to scold someone named Honey.

In real time

My fever got high, my mom took Annie, and I took antibiotics.

Pity party

I haven't been sick in years, but today Annie and I are home with high fevers. David is out of town, I have to take care of my child but can hardly move, there's a wild puppy under my feet that needs tending to, and I cannot let my mother help because I'm afraid she'll get sick. I have recurring chills and long for someone to take care, just a little care, of me.

Sitting at the sidebar

Life is so much better with Shakti.

Click the sidebar and listen to Joy. (A shame it had to go in at low-rez)

In real time

Annie and I have matching colds, and while she eats chicken-noodle and I eat vegetable...


Honey attacks a moose.

Uh oh

My computer just informed me that unexpectedly, there is no audio coming into my system.

Worth it

In real time

Waiting on the director, cutting today. It's 18 degrees, glad to be back on coffee, like returning home to an old, familiar friend.

Safe travels

David, have fun in Mexico!

Melt down

Annie: "Mom! Has that candle been through both world wars?"

Confession #879,004

When I log on to my email account, it's not the advertisements that bother me, it's having to see a picture of the same person day after day, month after month, year after year. She seems like a nice enough girl, and she hasn't done anything to deserve it, but I'm starting to hate the sight of her.

Sitting at the sidebar

Francis Dunnery does. And so do I.