Have you ever wanted in the same moment, to go back and go forward? Have you ever in the same moment, looked at a baby and been glad you didn't have one, and long for one? Have you ever turned on a piece of music that reminds you of a dark time, only now the time is covered in light in your memory? Have you ever tried to spell a word that keeps coming up incorrect, and in your resigned unwillingness, have you ever chosen a different word that turns out better than the one you were intent on? Have you ever thought you could fix something, but realized you are not the only one creating outcome? Have you ever felt bound and free, invisible and seen, all at the same time?
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Sometimes it pours rain on your carefully choreographed outdoor wedding. Sometimes someone you love dies at night in a car on a road. Sometimes you look back at your life and think you have nothing to show, or that you didn't get the right kind of love, and sometimes a warm breeze blows through your apartment and imposes onto you all of the day's beauty whether you like it or not. Sometimes your mother gently points out how vulnerable you are, and even though she's telling you not to change, you can't help wishing you could. Sometimes all you can do is wait for something to shift, something to make it bright again, smell sweet again, like that smell when you walk past the markets in the city--the smell of Hyacinth and Lilacs; a reminder that sometimes just being alive is worth all of it.