Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Sound

Today I heard a fireman whistling London Bridge is Falling Down, and a man singing a Spanish love song to someone on the phone. I heard Honey crunching hard food with tiny teeth, and my child calling, Mama.


Image by Cristian René.

To thine own self

I'm not going to force myself to go on dates. I'm not going to dine with charming businessmen who don't like film or handsome athletes who don't love music. I'm only accepting invitations from me, until and unless what calls is something irresistible and undeniable.

No bingo tonight


A sprawling New York apartment on Central Park West with a postcard view of Manhattan. Guests were jazz singers, rock guitarists, classical violinists, writers, one flight attendant and a volleyball player. It was lively, musical, playful and warm, it was one of the best parties I've ever been to, and it all happened on a Tuesday night.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

In real time

Getting gussied-up and going out, puttin' on my party boots.

Night, all.

Recent photos



Last week, "Cold Tea" played to a sold-out house at the NYC Downtown Short Film Festival in this great, old building, home to the Duo Arts Center.

God?




Test run


Honey's first day at the dog park.

Hey there

Georgie girl. (and her shovel)

Monday, April 28, 2008

Laugh out loud

Beemer specific

David: "That's a bad advertisement."

Me: "What does it say?"

David: "It's for BMW. It says, "Distilled, Yet Not Reduced."

Me: "That is a bad ad. I mean, we only associate the word distilled with what? Bottled water. And what is distilled, anyway?"

David: "Yeah, we don't even really know what it is."

Me: "I do know that distilled doesn't mean reduced. When you distill water, you don't make less water, you just take the junk out, right?

David: "I guess so."

Me: "The bottom line is, if you have to spend time thinking about the word distilled, then how it relates to the word reduced, then how those words might be considered marketable when selling a car, well, by then you're so pissed off you just want to buy a Mercedes!"

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sitting at the sidebar

Something sexy for Sunday night.
Me: "I'm so glad I'm not you."

David: "Me, too"

Me: "And aren't you glad you're not me?"

David: "I am."

Me: "But it's easier to be ourselves, isn't it? I mean, we're used to it."

David: "We are."

Me: "And besides, if I wasn't me, who would be me?"

David: "Yeah, someone's got to be you."

Me: "Yeah, and if I wasn't me, who would look at the washing machine and see the word unbalanced and take it personally?"

David: "No one."

Sorry

Lately, I've just been out of focus.

In my dreams

Last night I dreamed I was asleep in my bed while it poured rain outside. I was certain if I didn't lock the window on the fire escape, someone would break in. I made several attempts to secure the window but the latch was broken and it wouldn't stay shut. Just when I'd convinced myself I would be attacked in my sleep, the window locked and my sense of peace and safety was restored.

I dreamed I was invited to the palatial home of a man who was just my type--tall, dark, handsome and charming with a quick wit. We flirted for some time, then he escorted me to his yacht. The minute we sat down and looked out onto the water, the tip of the boat broke and we sunk into the ocean.

I dreamed I was with my old friend Sam, and Anthony, another musician I know. The three of us were kidding around and at one point I challenged Sam to a shopping cart race. Anthony was up ahead, and as we ran forward I shouted to him to take the cart from me so we could be partners in the race. He shook his head, no, but when I got closer, he unexpectedly grabbed the cart from my hands and I was surprised and elated. For a split second, the wheels stuck and Anthony hesitated, but then he pushed it into high gear and ran forward.

I wasn't sure if Anthony finished the race, or even if he ran it well, but I knew that given the limitations, he was doing the best he could.

Two things I love about New York

Dinner out.



coffee.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Sitting at the sidebar

Something savage for Saturday.

Sound

I love to watch Honey when she lies on her back by an open window and looks up at the sky, listening to a bird, a plane, or whatever it is puppies hear.

Gone fishin'

Metaphorically speaking.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

In real time

The way things aren't

I thought the van outside said Brainwash.com, but it didn't.

Nothing more than feelings

All at once, I feel as if I have the love of the whole world, and the love of no one.

Spring in New York

Another benevolent sun, the air a mix of warm and cool, and the birds sing out like they know just what they've got.

I am here

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

All in a day

Today I met a man named Harry Hooker, watched my film in a sold out theatre, was told by a stranger he knew me 32 million years ago when I was a queen and he was a crocodile. I walked through Union Square and Washington Square, drank cappuccino on 2nd, spent money on 4th, forgot to buy Lilacs but remembered to buy soap, and at midnight sang, "Unforgettable" with the elevator operator at the 181st Street 'A' train station.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Sitting at the sidebar

Monkey Man by Toots & the Maytals.

For you, Tim!

Puppy love hurts

Annie: "You know what I need? A stuffed Honey doll I can squeeze and hug and throw against the wall and love really hard."

Sitting at the sidebar

When I was a teenage girl, this was one of the songs I listened to over and over again. Thirty years later, for now I fly alone, and though I may not believe in love the same way that I did (oh, how I wish I did), I can still slip out of the world of others and into a world of my own, and like the teenage girl I once was, curl up and fall asleep in the song.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

A girl with a dream

I would love, just love someone to make me breakfast!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Sitting at the sidebar

Something sweet for Saturday.

In my dreams

Last night I dreamed of dead horses, which indicates that something or someone that initially offered me strength is now gone.

Friday, April 18, 2008

More than this

Two years ago I looked at my life, and a simple realization shook me in a profound way. Unless something big happened, the next fifteen years were going to look like the last, so I changed direction, stepped onto a new path, and soon discovered it was not the end of anything, it was the continuation of everything. What I could not foresee was the world of awakening that was waiting, and when it took hold, I surrendered.

In the past two years I've been in flux, transition, turmoil, and in love. I've been happier than I've ever been and sadder than I thought possible, and nothing about the time has looked like anything else. The future is now a present moment, an ocean both raging and calm, inviting and daunting, always patient as I dive in and come out, dive in and come out.

There's a saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. There's a belief (and I share it) that what comes to you serves as a mirror and if you let it, will aid in your evolution. You can take action or not, change course or not, but hopefully you'll hold the mirror and see that whoever you are is who you are supposed to be, and wherever you are is where you are supposed to be.

When I was a girl, I had a fantasy of being rescued by a handsome soldier. When I was a teenager, I spent hours in my room with the radio on, wishing to be inside every one of those songs. And when I was a young woman, no dream could compare to the dream of love, so I never bothered dreaming of more.

If everything is a mirror that comes custom-made to teach lessons, then it is no cosmic error that the form in which love has presented itself to me has been out of reach, either by physical or emotional distance. A year ago, when it was clear that one relationship would not move forward, my mother was glad. She thought if I embarked on a life with him, the necessary and developing relationship with myself would cease, and I would make being his woman all of who I was. I suspect she was right. Regardless, I wasn't ready then, and maybe I'm still not. Maybe love won't come at all until I am.

Today I'm in a place that does not resemble completion or enlightenment, but I do understand I am more than I once thought. I am more than my charm, my body and my brains, I am more than a fantasy, a love song or a dream.

I will never be a woman who declares she doesn't need a man, but I will save my gifts for someone who shares his with me. I may never say I don't need love to make me whole, but in my moments of longing, I will recognize I am whole. I might never again follow love unless love follows me, but there is one thing I know -- I will keep diving into the warm and icy water, I will come out and dive in, come out and dive in, and whether I'm hit by a wave or soothed by the sun, I will know I am exactly who I am supposed to be, exactly where I am supposed to be.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

King of queens

Did you know the word Regina means queen in Italian? I knew that, so what an oversight it was to post "a little Queen" at the sidebar today, Gary Regina's birthday, and not make the connection. Although Gary is not such a little queen, in fact, he's a rather big queen, I mean, a tall queen--that is to say a tall Regina--I mean he's not a queen at all (not that it would matter if he was), oh hell, what I'm trying to say is happy birthday Gary, The Half Note and I send you much love on this momentous and royal occasion.

Sitting at the sidebar

A little Queen.

Image-in-New York

Waiting for the "A"


Bag & flowers in Central Park.



Pink toes for spring.



A tree grows in my neighborhood.



View from the dashboard.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

In real time

Bill Evans plays Nardis, Honey plays with a bone. Annie reads a book, green salad with spicy chicken is on the menu, and of course, daffodils for dessert.

Joke by Annie


Q: What's the worst thing to call a dog?

A: Scaredy cat.

Bad blogger blues

I've been a bad blogger I know this is true,
But if you were me, what would you do?
The days have been sunny, the nights have been long,
I've not felt like blogging,
I hope that's not wrong.

But now that I've said it, now that it's out,
Although I've just blogged there leaves little doubt.
I've been a bad blogger and here after hours,
I ask the Almighty to restore my blog powers.