Confessions of a Feminist

There's something that's been bothering me and I'm hesitant to share it, but I will anyway. I see it on the streets of the city, I see it in the supermarkets, but mostly I see it on neighborhood playgrounds. Fathers have become like mothers and mothers have become like fathers. Don’t get me wrong, I'm a feminist. My father was a feminist and so is my husband. I'm all for mothers working and Daddies staying home. Mothers should be strong and fathers should be soft, so please don’t get me wrong here. It’s something else.

Yesterday I saw two dads walking in the park together. One was pushing a stroller with an infant inside and a toddler hanging on the back. An older child ran beside them and in addition, another youngster was tightly strapped in a sling on the man’s hip. This middle-class New York City father seemed agitated and slightly angry, as bottles were dropping and the diaper bag kept getting tangled in the wheels of the stroller. His friend had two kids, one on a tricycle and a baby strapped to his back as well. They were talking about a Barney episode that was on that morning when one of the men asked his son what he wanted for lunch. “Lamb burger!” Cried the little boy. And for the next several minutes, dad number one went on discussing his killer lamb burger recipe with dad number two. Ground lamb, goat cheese … can leave it on the stove for hours … will never over cook …

I like to cook, but I can’t stand hearing women talk about the best way to steam vegetables, roast garlic, or broil fish. I had just as hard a time listening to the dads discuss such matters. God bless these guys for taking an active role in the raising of their children, don’t get me wrong, I approve! But I can’t help wondering, wouldn’t they rather be doing something else? Because aside from the positive move men have made to stop watching their kids grow up from the sidelines, something has been lost. There’s a kind of neutralization amongst couples. The way families are negotiating their daily existence has also become more focused on diplomacy and equality, rather than one partner grabbing the bull by the horns and getting the job done.

A marital partnership should not be a business, and regardless of all that needs tending to, it’s not a production. I believe all the negotiating couples do these days is more about how they think they’re supposed to “behave,” and it ends up taking the place of getting shit done and moving on.

Once couples decide to “merge,” I think things become even more neutralized. It’s almost as if men and women really do become one. But personally, I don’t want to be “One” with anyone. Where’s the mystery and wonder in that? When a couple has become neutralized, what happens in bed? When people become “one” in this way, what happens to the sex, the intensity in lovemaking?

I am a mother and a wife, a thinker and an artist. But I am a woman first. Inside and out I am different from a man in most ways. I like to have my nails done and my legs waxed, I like to be held close and talked to tenderly. I also like to go to a Knicks game and down a beer on occasion, but even when doing that, I’m still a woman. A chick, a babe, a honey. And I want my man, whether he’s a linebacker or a nanny, to be a dude, a macho, a glorious man. There I said it!