Bad Buddhist

I knew a woman, an actress, who was a Buddhist, and for some reason she felt compelled to mention that she was a Buddhist (and a vegetarian), every single time we met. She also felt the need to speak endlessly about the practice of chanting and all it had brought to her life.

"I chanted for a boyfriend," she once told me, "And I got a boyfriend!"

"I chanted for a bigger apartment," she said another time, "And I got a bigger apartment!" She even chanted for a spot on a national TV commercial and got one the very next day."

Then one night we were out to dinner and I asked her, "Do you ever chant for anyone else?"

She looked at me perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, do you ever chant for let's say, world peace," I asked. "Or for those unfortunate children over in the Middle East?"

Her face went blank, she stammered, she stuttered, she giggled. And I figured she must have been chanting for food because just then the waiter showed up with her tofu steak and she proceeded to shovel it in her mouth as if an acting job depended on it.