Saturday, June 02, 2007

The edge

When I moved into my own place almost a year ago, I never had an illusion that I would meet a man half as great as David. A man with the integrity, the character, the level of connectedness to humanity and to the world. But there is so much more to making a marriage than finding a great person, and if we accept the nature of change, if we don't hold to the idea that we must end up with the person we started with, if we can embrace that life is long and the roads turn, then when we are faced in another direction we can truly live life as it's meant to be lived.

My father once told me the best time to do something is when you're afraid, that only when you push past what stands in your way do you truly evolve. David tells me that life is meant to be lived on the edge of your fears, that growth can only happen when you have one eye open to what holds you back.

Today David said to me, "When one finds themselves in a place where they are satisfied and content, when one says, I've got what I want and now I'm done, like a piece of fruit that reaches its ripeness, it eventually begins to rot."

I found myself in a place where, to some degree, I was content. I had a beautiful home and a loving husband with whom I connected deeply. We were an intellectual match and creative allies, devoted parents to our child. But I wasn’t living a life that reflected my nature, who I was born, who I had become, and so I stood at the edge of my fears and I jumped.

Almost a year ago I sat in my apartment staring at walls and looking out windows, and in all of that silence, in all of that space, I found answers that lead me from one day to the next. And as the answers came and carried me away from the familiarity of my life and the security of my vows, I listened.

I met David when I was 25. He became my sweetheart then my husband, then the father of my child. Then he became the person who knew me better than anyone; and now, for lack of better words, he is my best friend. Our lives look so different today than we imagined 18 winters ago, but if we can put down the brush, if we can stop trying to create a vision of who and what we are, how we look to our neighbors and to the world, if we can be quiet, the answers will keep coming. And if we listen, they will lead us to the edge of our fears, and to the place where life can be lived as it is meant to be lived.

1 comment:

Dina said...

WOW Katie!!! that was brilliant!!! I need to follow it alot more! My sister has had a NASTY DIVORCE and after 3 years, her ex can't hold a decent conversation even though they had 3 kids!!! too much pain causes them to miss out on soo many other things. David is wonderful and a good "friend" too. thats what is missing in alot of marriages. I can't say that I have a friendship like David..its rare.
I'm sooo glad you taught me a lesson tonight....not to let fear run me!
thanks katie.